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The current year represents a full decade since the term “vanishing” entered the public consciousness. At the time, the notion that someone could instantly end contact with a lover without any notice seemed like the pinnacle of disrespect. Our innocence was charming. In the ten-year span since, navigating toward a partner has only become more bewildering – an oftentimes pointless endeavor in embarrassment that is increasingly defined by social media slang.

Generation Z, a cohort who grew up during a social isolation crisis, a male identity reckoning, and a coordinated challenge on the freedoms of women and the LGBTQ+ community, faces a significantly more chaotic environment than their Gen Y elders could ever fathom. And so their romantic lexicon has grown more extensive and more bizarre, with terms like “Shrekking” and “vine swinging” straining the limits of your sanity.

What follows is a detailed guide to the terms Zoomers is using to discuss love, sex and the pursuit of both. To echo one of the recent most enduring online sayings, by the end of this glossary you’ll ache to get back to a bygone era – because wherever that is, it lacks “wokefishing”.

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The Letter A

Realness – In the view of gen Z, dating’s ideal is presenting as your true, unvarnished self. Best wishes with that!

The Letter B

Feathered friend test – A social media test loosely based on a test developed by relationship scientists, in which you mention something trivial – for example, “A bird flew by earlier” – and note whether your partner’s reaction is interested or disinterested. If they aren't interested to hear more about the bird, you two are not compatible.

Black cat girlfriend – Gen Z’s rebuttal to the “quirky fantasy girl” trope of the early 2000s – but instead of having baby bangs, liking indie music and avoiding commitment, the mysterious partner puts herself first while exuding enigma and independence. (She could possibly have that fringe.)

C

Support test – This signifies seeking out someone who helps you without being asked. If you walked into a room, they would get a chair for you to take a load off.

Task-based bonding – A meet-up where two people form a link while running errands, such as walking the dog or grocery shopping. In other words, how cash-strapped people in their 20s do low-cost dating in a inflation-era world.

Melting down – Melting down when you feel overwhelmed by life. You can lose it over a infatuation or split, spilling all of your unreciprocated emotions.

The Letter D

Dink – Dual income no kids. Once a marker of 1980s yuppie excess, it refers to pairs who forgo having children to focus on their own fulfillment. Or because they are unable to afford to become parents.

E

Vulnerable signaling – The antithesis of being guarded: embracing dialogue, honesty and vulnerability.

The Letter F

Flags

• Danger signals – Behavioral habits suggesting a potential partner is not right. Examples include calling their exes crazy, bad gratuity habits, a love of Woody Allen films, a burgeoning DJ career …
• Good indicators – These actions affirm your decision to pursue a mate. Such as checking in to make sure you got home safely after a date, minimal phone use, having a proper bed …
• Neutral quirks – These typically describe specific, largely benign quirks. Such as being an keen ornithologist, still keeping a biro in their wallet, paying the rent in cash …

Freak matching – When you connect with someone who’s just as passionate about films about the second world war or DVD collecting or collaging or whatever it may be, as you. Or, on the flip side, meeting someone who hates the same things or individuals that you do (nothing fosters intimacy faster than having a common enemy).

G

Geese – A musical group a typical Zoomer guy is into.

Phantom reappearing – Someone who resurfaces into your life after a period of silence.

Eager-to-please partner – Someone who is affable, accommodating and devoted. The uncommon boyfriend who is adored by all of his significant other's friends, and a black cat girlfriend's counterpart.

Gooners – A mostly online subculture of men so preoccupied with self-pleasure that they attempt marathon sessions, deliberately postponing climax so they can continue as long as possible.

The Letter H

Heterofatalism – A phenomenon describing many women’s increasing pessimism toward heterosexual relationships. It will come as no surprise to anyone who read the previous entry.

Manosphere archetype – An archetype championed by manosphere figures: a woman who is attractive, ever-comforting and contentedly home-oriented, who apparently has no aspirations of her own aside from satisfying her man partner. Maybe now you’re beginning to understand the whole “heterofatalism” thing better?

The Letter I

Icks – Random and often mundane turnoffs that instantly extinguish any feelings of desire.

“Actions speak louder" – Something to keep in mind after you watch someone else receive an extremely romantic act.

The Letter J

Jobs – These have not been this significant in the dating scene since the greed-is-good era. For some women, a “banker” is the ultimate partner: a fleece-vest-wearing, conservative-leaning guy who will provide (there’s a popular TikTok audio on the topic). Meanwhile the anti-capitalist crowd prefer partners in professions they believe are being staffed by the more nurturing among us: nurses, teachers or therapists.

K

Kissing – This year, scientists learned that kissing has been around for 16m years. But the days of kissing may be numbered since some Zoomers prefer fewer intimate scenes in film, as they are having less sex themselves and do not find cinematic romance believable.

Enhanced profile crafting – Slight exaggeration. Or, not exactly lying about who you are, but maybe using older (better) pictures of yourself on a dating app profile, or making your career sound more prestigious than it is. Also known as {